Hope is a ray of light in the dark den;
Its the wings to a feetless bird;
Its the best weapon in a warrior's armour;
And a noble thing in an intellectual's mind.
Hope is a leaf to an ant in river,
Which is a ferry during floods;
Its a pole star to a sailor,
Which shows the destiny when the path is lost.
Hope is a spring that pushes when we are stopped;
And the propelling force when we are on march.
Its the twilight that fiils sky before the moonlight.
And the preface to a success story.
Hope sees me through the winter and summer;
Its a guide in desert and dense forest;
It gives me company when everyone denies it;
Yet it never hope for my single penny.
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4 comments:
intellect's mind. Doesn't make sense. Intellect is a noun, and so in mind. So it becomes kinda hard to comprehend.
And change the line 1 2nd stanza to leaf. And 4th line in 3rd stanza- success.
Again, just my opinion, I hope you don't take it badly.
I'm firm believer in 'don't judge art'...
So, I'll not judge this poem, but give you my opinion.
When you choose fixed structures like these, see if you can find rhymes... But rhymes should never be forced... SO when you cannot rhyme, then don't use fixed structures. Make it like a paragraph, giving line breakers where there is a break in the thought.
Again just my opinion, I've read the poems you've posted here. They all are good. But, keep the flow, they don't flow. Not wanting to be critical I would say, don't edit the thoughts inside your brain too much, before you write. Write everything that comes to your mind.
You will only see the change in your poems.
thanks for your opinion and sugestions. Really i learnt a lot from them.They will help me in rectifing my mistakes to a large extent.
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